***Now this post may have you rolling your eyes, or you might be thinking ‘great idea!’, or you may just be a little intrigued- either way, I ask you to hear me out.***
I have always been a hyper-sensitive hyper-active ‘here look at my entire soul! I am here! I have arrived! All I want to do is love everyone!’ kind of person.
I have often been too much-too intense-too wild for a lot of people. So I learned to suppress it.
I tried to change. I became hurt by countless rejections and snide remarks so I started to hold it all in.
Then I became
Thankfully, I eventually realised that for all the people in the world who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) get me, there were more people who love, like, or at the very least, tolerate me.
After a while I started letting myself out again.
I started developing meaningful relationships with many more people outside of my very small circle of trustees.
So what happened that led me to this change?
One day, I was driving the car and having a defending-myself-argument with somebody in my head.
I was saying the things I wanted to say to that person in a past moment- that time they were being a
cunt asshole not-nice person.
You see, whenever people are being not-nice people I go into shock and freeze and can’t say what I need to say because I can feel all their bitterness creeping around my body like I have been bitten by a venomous snake and I am paralysed as it’s squeezing me to death.
Anyway, I was in the car defending myself when a voice popped into my head and said, ‘Laura, you are not a bad person’.
I realised that my rational mind was never going to understand or explain irrational behaviour.
So I freed myself from my own chains and re-revealed myself to the world yet again. Only this time I focused on all the good, nice, kind and loving people in my life.
When I did this, I realised that the majority of people in my life are good, nice, kind and loving.
And for the people where I provoked something not-so-nice in them?
I let it go.
I sent lots of loving thoughts to the situation.
I bought a pink candle (as to me, pink symbolises compassion and forgiveness) and lit it every time I had a bad memory re-surface.
I stopped talking about it/them/scenarios. I stopped thinking about it. I stopped replaying conversations over and over.
I just lit the candle and offered all the hurt, anger and negativity to the flame.
Humans have been using ritual for as long as we know but in reality what good would lighting a candle do?
Humans project, honour and understand their intangible internal world through physical rituals.
So the candle isn’t magic.
It is the physical ritual of me deciding to ‘burn’ those memories that helped me to let go.
By seeing it outside of my being, I made the forgiveness real.
Over time the exaggerated memories became weaker until I could eventually discuss the situation with absolutely no emotional response.
Once I did this, I found it easier to ‘come out’ again as my whole self.
Even the feral part.
I learned not to give a fiddlers fart whether people liked me or not.
I learned to not hand over my self-esteem to people who behave with put-downs, creative speculation, judgement and nasty comments.
I learned to see that people who behave in such ways are actually just broken people- that they need love and compassion more than anyone.
So I sent them love and compassion. Through my symbolic ritual.
So when you really just have nothing left to talk about, introspection and the symbolism of candle rituals are a much cheaper and effective form of counselling.
Why not try it? Sure you have nothing to lose.
Some other colour options that may interest you:
Green: When you need space.
Yellow: When you want to release fear -or- bring in joy/sunshine into your life.
Red: When you want to renew passion and energy in your life (let go of fatigue, lethargy, apathy).
Orange: Healing from PTSD, sexual abuse, difficult labour.
Blue: Peace in your mind. Use when you are ready to let go of thinking too much.
White: Supporting detox. When you want to see and feel clearly. When you are ready to let go of suffering/ being a victim.
Purple: When you need healing
Olive green: Let go of bitterness
As always, please do leave a comment if you have any further suggestions, advice or experiences you would like to share with me and other readers. Or even if you just want to say hi!