As a blog reader, I have come to think about how I write and how I come across as I write.
My writing has really evolved over the last year.
When I first set up the blog, it was to practice writing. I have always loved using writing for self expression and understanding.
I have also plenty of book/story ideas inside that I struggle to settle down and commit to so the blog was the first step in committing to write.
I have learned a lot.
I have learned that sometimes you may not always come across as you want to.
Not only from a choice of words perspective but I have learned that readers are always reading from their perspective so it will be altered no matter what. As a writer, this is something I really need to be aware of. I need to try and see how my words can be interpreted from different angles and if, in anyway, my words might be interpreted with a negative impact.
Also, often when I write on a topic I am writing the there and now of it. Because of this, my topics and opinions might chop and change over time. Myinternalworld is just that- my internal world. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. The clever and the not so clever. It is everything. I am everything- these Alanis Morrisette lyrics come to mind when I think of myself (and people in general):
“Everything”I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you’ve ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you’ve connected.
I have the bravest heart that you’ve ever seen
And you’ve never met anyone
Who’s as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I’m ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I’m terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
(Chorus repeated)What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I’m the funniest woman that you’ve ever known
I’m the dullest woman that you’ve ever known
I’m the most gorgeous woman that you’ve ever known
And you’ve never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
It’s one of my most favourite songs- check it out here if you haven’t heard it before.
I have just become aware of how some of my themes might effect people. This awareness came to me after reading a recent discussion about certain negative things that go on online such as ‘Fat Shaming’.
For example, my posts on sugar are never orientated toward dieting or extreme eating. They are just my processing of something that is a deal in my life as a self-aware ‘sugar fiend’ and also as I am carefully monitoring my blood sugars throughout this pregnancy-at the request and direction of the hospital dietician. I think I managed to strike a balance in my last post but I hate to think that I am contributing to the NO sugar trend when I am actually just talking about eating sugar in a moderate, mindful and non-addictive way. Also, I am hyper sensitive to the food I eat- I have a lifelong history with IBS and decade long food intolerances. So, food topics are big, complex issues for me and always will be.
Another example for context would be my interest in fitness. The context there is that genetically, I have a fight on my hands. Fitness does not come naturally to me and after having worked hard to achieve a personal sense of fitness (not anywhere near fit fit) I enjoy blogging about my journey. This is nothing to do with achieving the ‘perfect’ body. I actually love my very feckin’ imperfect body very much. My commitment to fitness is first and foremost a depression preventative more than anything. My theme ‘A Fatty’s guide to’ is my way of letting you know that I am nowhere near a fitness guru and I naturally carry more fat rather than naturally being on the muscular/athletic side. Even when I am at a normal weight and working out I have more fat on my body than muscle and I have no interest of going to any extreme to get beyond that. So long as I fit into my comfy jeans and can run around after my Elf I am happy. Also, I have no opinion of anybody else’s body/weight/fitness levels. Unless it’s Jason Statham as I might go as far to say what a ride he is.
When I write about depression I write from the context of this perspective:
My depression was ‘indigenous’ as in: chemical. It was easily fixed with SSRI’s. My depression was mild- I hid/lived with it for years before I was diagnosed. I still have low days. What used to be low weeks are now low days and can often be associated with hormones or if I had been drinking alcohol a few days before. I can also connect my worst bouts of depression with going on the pill. I have no other experiences with other forms of depression or severe depression- so my tips are based on the above points only. Also, absolute truth is that I technically don’t have depression anymore. Those magnificent SSRI’s rebalanced me so good. My perspective is about depression prevention. When you’ve lived with mild depression for as long as I have and suddenly realise that daily life is amazing after you’ve be re-set, you will do all you can to make sure it never happens again.
To summarise, if ever I write something that makes you feel irked, odd, annoyed, bothered or something along those lines, please know that my intention is not to do that. It is just my perspective of where I am at right now. This is my journey. Sometimes, it might flow parallel to yours and sometimes it will go off in the opposite direction. That makes no-ones journey any more or less than anyone else’s. Please just know that I am never trying to be offensive and am not about shock tactics or trying to get a reaction.
Finally, these things won’t be moving to the new blog. My new blog has an aim and that is to leave my reader feeling happy, nostalgic, inspired or positive. I am moving beyond the topics above anyway but I feel it’s important to be clear as to the context with which I write.
As always, thanks for reading.
(PS. Robotman is sitting down with me tonight to sort out all the technical thingy majiggies on the new blog so hopefully we will see it launching soon!)