In the three years since becoming a parent I have done some major growing up.
I think that no matter what age you have your children at, this naturally occurs to most parents although it could just be a natural occurrence now that I am nearly thirty.
The main gift parenting brings to me is the immediate distortion of my position in the universe- you know, the centre of it.
I don’t live there anymore.
It’s a hard adjustment at first having to forgo your basic human needs in order to provide for your little ones.
After a while, when you’ve settled close to the centre you see life from a whole new perspective.
It’s like you are watching a movie of life.
There is a calmness here, on the edge of centre.
See, when you are the centre of your own universe you are constantly trying to keep the balance right so that you remain there.
As the universe flows naturally, in a constant state of flux, you adjust yourself, your view of the world and others around you to remain at the centre even if this means you are living an illusion or if it is at the expense of others.
When I had my firstborn this all changed.
Gradually, over time, I settled just on the edge of the middle and as I said up above, my perspective shifted. More of a 360 degree angle rather than a single lens. It’s the difference of view between floating in space compared to looking up at space through a telescope.
I started seeing others’ centres.
From my new perspective, where I had finally found stillness, as I no longer had to adjust and fight for central position (i.e. control my surroundings), I could just view others’ realities without thinking anything. Without judgement, opinion or even desire. Just observation.
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes I slip into that centre of the universe viewpoint and catch myself wasting my life on opinions that have nothing to do with me but hey, nobody is perfect. I also think this is where judgement, criticism, jealousy, competitiveness and other such emotions or reactions come from, in this single visioned place.
In realising the gift that my children have given me, through placing them at the centre of my universe, I have become more empathically stable, less opinionated, more accepting and most of all, content. I have become a better listener and less of a talker although there is still lots of work to be done in this department.
I wonder does parenting do this for everyone or do I just think a little too deep?
Another thing that this shift has done is it has allowed me to accept more help and support from others, seen as I am no longer holding all the cards.
In my observations I have come to realise that most people live in the centre of their universe. Some not all the time, some definitely all the time. Some are stuck there and don’t even realise it. Some never live there. Some have never left.
I don’t know if there is a right or wrong, maybe ‘imbalance’ is a better word. For those who never have lived there can sometimes end up becoming drained and unable to give to themselves or take from others in a balanced way. This is as much an imbalance as those who can only think about themselves.
I guess it’s about finding that balance- the middle path.
I think sitting on the edge of the line is just the right spot for me.
I see more outside of myself yet I am still able to acknowledge my own needs.
Most importantly I get the wonderful viewpoint of watching my two buds open up and be their magnificent little selves.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/lexrex/266558967/”>radiant guy</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>