Raising Elves

As wild as nature. Myself, parenting and natural remedies blog.

You’ll never guess what my cat ate


I have two cats.

The deaf cat is bold but gorgeous and a big eejit so you just have to love him despite how he raises my blood pressure through doing things like:

  • Hiding in brown paper bags and jumping out as I walk past
  • Knocking all valuables from the mantelpiece
  • Eating a whole cooling lasagne off the counter while I was on the phone
  • Sneaking up to my room and PISSING on my bed!!!!!! (It has been cleaned!)

He’s a bollox but I love him.


We were woken one morning to the dog going mental so Himself went down in his undies to check for robbers, psychopathic stalkers and rapists or else lock her in for being a brat.

He went down to find the dog barking at the bold cat who had a magpie pinched tightly in his jaws. The magpie was still squirming.

Himself locked the dog in and started shifting around the garden in his jocks after the cat. The cat was not letting go of the bird.

After a few minutes Himself gave up and just thought that, in fairness, the cat earned it. Most cat owners will know that magpies spend a good portion of their day antagonising cats from a safe height so it was a big win for our side of the fence.

Two hours later he got up for work and went out to the back garden to see who won.

Lo and behold, there was no bird. Meanwhile, the cat was in a coma in the conservatory.

He searched and searched the garden until eventually he found a few scattered tiny pieces of guts, one single feather and two feet lying there on the ground.

The cat pretty much ate the ENTIRE magpie! Even the head! Even the beak!

That’s right.

I got up.

I worried.

The cat wouldn’t wake up.

Bearing in mind that he is deaf, you have to put a lot of effort in to wake him.

He was breathing but I still worried.

I was sure he was going to just die at some stage that day.

Eventually, at 5pm that evening, a whole ten hours since I got up that morning, he stirred.

He just got up. Not a bother on him. Bird digested.

Ten hours.

Like a snake.


Damn Straight I ate the bird


9 thoughts on “You’ll never guess what my cat ate

  1. OMG!!! What a greedy guts! Great story 🙂

  2. ewww haha! thank god I wasn’t eating my dinner while I read that ;P

  3. Hilarious! I love the way you tell it!

  4. Ok this is like Garfield’s deaf lively cousin. Needs his own show stat!

  5. Yeuck. Our dog when it was a pup, a very tiny pup, a weensy pup, ate a whole blue tit. I wondered what she had, and managed to wrestle a part of it out of her mouth, unaware I may add what it was. I successfully removed a piece of wing and nearly got sick.
    One year on our pup is still alive.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s