Raising Elves

As wild as nature. Myself, parenting and natural remedies blog.

Those sh*t mornings where you fail at being a mother

21 Comments

Well. Here I am again.

Sitting at the table waiting on the consolatory tea to be made.

With that heavy sh*t feeling in my chest.

Wondering if I’ve set her up for a really sh*t day,

All because you couldn’t just keep your sh*t together.

Failure.

Failure.

Failure.

The word that goes through your head.

As you put her tiny face in your hands and look into those eyes,

and say,

with conviction,

‘Have a good day;

I Love you’.

And you squeeze her face too tight

because you want to erase the moment where you were

a fucking asshole.

And I return home to the kitchen,

that I have been praying for silence in,

all morning.

Which is now silent.

Except for a rumbling tummy

and I realise I haven’t eaten.

I think of all the ways I might make up for my impatience,

as I pick at an eggshell.

But then the insurance guy rings and the day begins for me,

two hours after I dragged myself out of bed.

Then I think of all those great parents I know and I wonder why they never talk about these moments.

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21 thoughts on “Those sh*t mornings where you fail at being a mother

  1. This is real parenting, not the blissful highs but the horrible, self-doubting lows. This is me, far too often, grappling to recover the moment, that lovely moment before I ruined it. I can’t say anything to make it better, but just to let you know that you are not alone. Tomorrow will be a better day x

  2. Oh the guilt and the horrible messages that come from your head convincing you things are worse than they are. Be kind to yourself 🙂

  3. Don’t beat yourself up that it was a less that stellar start. Tomorrow rolls around pretty quickly – and for good and for bad we get to do it all again!

  4. 100% hear you. We should create a virtual Shit Morning group for these times.

  5. The only blessing in this situation is that our wonderful children are forgiving goldfish and come home after school with a blank page for you to write on for them, a fresh start, a second chance. I try to put the fails behind me and grab that second chance. Am not always successful and worry for the day when they don’t forget. I hope that if I keep trying, they’ll keep forgiving ! But today I’ll take the blank page and furiously try to rewrite the story of the shitty start to their day !

  6. One of the amazing things about kids is that they don’t hold it against us. They’re always ready to make a fresh start. We just need to learn to shake it off as easily as they do. Hugs to you.

  7. I am like this most mornings raving lunatic mother ha !! Defo not a failure it’s real life Hun

  8. I have these moments and my daughter is 12, you would think I had learned by now. There are days when we loose our cool and then spend hours regretting it for fear we have damaged them in some way but in reality they don’t hold grudges and are very forgiving in the same way we are towards them. The exchange of unconditional love is boundless and all the good we do out weighs the few mishaps. No parent is perfectly blissed all the time and if they are they’re self medicating 😉

    • Haha yes def self medicating! Thanks for taking the time to comment. It’s so calming knowing I am not alone and that the kids are so forgiving. Do you know, she herself (the little size of her) told me to ‘let it go mam’ later on that night.

  9. I’ve had more mornings like this than I care to count over the years. I can’t poop unicorns and sunshine every day…that’s real life… but we get plenty of chances every day to make it right and start again 🙂

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