Raising Elves

As wild as nature. Myself, parenting and natural remedies blog.

1 Comment

My heart, uninterrupted.

You know those old skeletons in your closet that you forgot about and just when you are ready to move on a bony hand grabs hold of your ankle and tries to take you down with it.

That was 2016.

Regardless, I rose again, dusted myself off and was more determined than ever to get out of this figurative shithole I have been bathing in for far too long now.

I’ve been hiding healing in a chrysalis for what feels like an age and I’m overcooked.

I’ve stood on this edge many times looking down, urging myself to jump but now I am looking up and out at the horizon.

I know that once I leap, I will say goodbye.

Goodbye to many things, and even people. Goodbye to unrequited love, to mind games and power plays. Goodbye to people pleasing and to imbalanced relationships. Goodbye to food, shopping and other such distracting ‘rewards’. Goodbye to being wasteful, goodbye to plastic and goodbye to hoarding. Goodbye to meat eating, to anger, to aggression. Goodbye to ‘checking in’ and lurking. Goodbye to parenting specialists, social research ‘evidence’, generalised guidelines. Goodbye to pressure and seriously, I mean it,

good riddance busyness.

If I do one thing from now on, I will be less busy.

I will rest. I will read. I will nap. I will free range parent. I will step back. I will take more baths. I will pray. I will stand in the grass, walk with the trees and I will whisper back to them. I will eat avocado and raw carrots and by the power of all creation I will find fresh Italian olives right here in Ireland and I will eat the bejaysus out of them. I will groom my dog and look into her beautiful eyes and feel my heart open. I will thank my girl cat for coming home and not leaving me. I will tolerate my boy cat. (It’s okay he has a sense of humour).

I will accept that some people will just never accept me. I will accept that I am an easy scapegoat and it’s a compliment because scapegoats are actually very strong people.

I will feel a field of energy surround my being, it will allow me to tread upon this planet with a glowing heart full of rose quartz-like crystal love, so open, so beaming like the over-enthusiastic lover that I am, and the Great Spirit will flow through me and touch everyone around me and they’ll glow when it touches them and they’ll feel so loved and so accepted that they’ll connect with their potential and it will spread. A wellness will spread and everyone will stop buying shit and start recycling things and going without, and eat only what they need so there’ll be no food shortage and they’ll feed the birds in the Winter and governments will supplement farmers to breed less and encourage people to eat less meat and they’ll feel the better for it as will our air and we’ll all come together and create a movement called “Reforestation” where we’ll all buy a field and fill it with trees and wildlife and return the Earth to the Earth.

Call me idealist, or rose tinted, nevertheless, that is what my heart sings when it is left uninterrupted.

That is my word for 2017. Uninterrupted.

1 Comment

New year resolutions: are you ready to let go?

As I am reading blogs re-capping on 2013 and preparing for the New Year resolutions, I have been stretching my mind in regards to end of year contemplations.

I still haven’t quite put these feelings into thoughts just yet so I know I really need to sit in the quiet for a while.

This evening, I was cooking the dinner in peace (as Robotman is still on his Christmas holidays) and got to thinking of many different conversations I have had over the year, along with my own fairly intense healing that I have gone through.

One blessing I have had was the wonderful two year old in my life keeping me from taking to the bed and feeling sorry for myself.

That brings me on to some thoughts I had today regarding some frustrations I have had RE regurgitating the same old problems over and over again. Sometimes they were my problems and sometimes they belonged to others.

At first I was quite intolerant of this non-productive stage in the healing process. Ever the pragmatist, I will only do something if there is a reason for it, hence my frustrations.

This stage I speak of is the stage of apathy- or victimhood.

Just before the real healing begins we live in apathy.

We moan, complain or whinge. No matter who gives us the solutions to our problems, in this prelude to healing our aim is not to heal but to dwell in our broken-ness.

Sometimes we are righteous victims. Sometimes we are victims of our own thinking, pre-conceptions and defensiveness.

Sometimes the two intertwine.

The one thing I do know about this phase is that on the surface it is non-productive but at the same time it is essential ground work to get us to the next stage.

I think of it as a resting phase preparing us to climb the mountain that is healing.

It is processing. We are processing our pain. Often, our mind needs to do this work before our pain is released to our wiser self for healing.

I think that is backward, though and I am reminded of a Caroline Myss quote:

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. All we have to do is quiet the mind

I am back to quiet again. Maybe that really is the answer.

I think of the advice or healing I have given over the past year.

It frustrates me when I give solutions or try to open up the next step beyond dwelling in the complaint. I really dislike complaining- not that I don’t indulge in it. I extra dislike repetitive complaining or finding something new to complain about once the original complaint has been resolved, dissolved or maybe even evolved.

I have come to think that when people are complaining of problems to you they are not looking for solutions or advice. They are simply processing.

To listen. To just simply listen and hear the person, we can enable them to walk through this stage.

To talk through them, to advise and give solutions we might be putting up blockages at this essential stage of healing.

Solutions have a place in the sequence later on but is often wasted on the apathetic stage.

There is a flip side to this coin though.

Some people get stuck in apathy. Do not we all at some stage in our life?

So stuck that you can spend months or even years listening to their or your own suffering. This is so draining, especially when you think you are trying to heal or just get on with trying to create a happy life for yourself.

That’s the thought I had tonight- when we are in apathetic mode do we actually want to heal or do we want to live in the wound?

How do we know when we are ready to actually start healing?

Thing is, it is a lot easier to just live in our victimhood. It really is.

It is so so so unbelievably hard to mentally, emotionally and spiritually heal from even the smallest human experience.

To forgive. To let go. To let everything and everyone just be.

To let assholes be assholes. To let crappy circumstances just be. To just accept the present as it is.

We are delicate, complex creatures with so many levels beyond understanding.

So, if we are not aware of our apathy we are at risk of dwelling on it for a little too long.

Apathy is good for processing but it is not in any way productive long term.

Long term apathy- even in times of righteous victimhood- creates bitterness.

It becomes cyclical and we become victim to our own thoughts and processes. It grows.

We start to find problems in other things. Misery loves company, as the phrase goes, only it is more often in our own mind that misery finds it’s companions.

I wonder, on a smaller scale, if failed New Year’s resolutions are a result of our ‘stuck-ness’.

Time and time again we fall back in to old habits.

New habits are just too much effort to keep.

But the question I am asking myself in this process is: Am I ready to let go?

Let go of my stuck-ness.

A lot of my apathy has fallen away these last few months. Significantly since I started letting go of my victimhood- as a victim of harmful relationships and a victim of my daughter’s birth. Both cases started as righteous victimhood but I was not innocent in either and in that circumstance it was my thoughts, beliefs and pre-conceptions that exasperated all that happened to me on the other end.

That is were self-responsibility comes in.

On the smaller scale of New Year’s resolutions self-responsibility is the key. No one else can do it for us.

Often the desire is not a result of the specific resolution- it is just the desire for happiness that through changing we bring ourselves closer.

Change is the key. We need to let go of the past. We need to let go of pre-conceptions and damaging belief systems in order to move forward into Newness.

It’s amazing what making the dinner in quiet can bring up in us eh?